Delusions
by HidingBehindTheCamera
Summary: Mauraders-Era SB/OC: It was only one song, but that one song was the catalyst to what would be Hogwarts' greatest and most disastrous love affair. One-shot. Might be continued in a different story later on.


I was never particularly noticeable. I wasn't strikingly beautiful, but I wasn't just hideous to look at either. I was just…me. Hardly anyone even noticed I was around. I had a few friends, the only ones who seemed to remember I existed, but we weren't particularly close. It was very lonely sometimes, being a wallflower, but I liked observing more than I did participating.

You can infer that my social life was nonexistent. No boyfriends, no parties, no dates to Hogsmeade. That is, until one day he seemed to notice me.

Him. Sirius Black.

It surprised me when he approached me at one of the few parties I actually showed up to. Like every other girl in the castle, I'd had a crush on Sirius at one point in my life. Besides his devastating good looks, he had this charm that seemed to draw people in, girls and guys alike. So, imagine my surprise—and delight—when Sirius asks me to dance at a party.

It was only one song, but that one song was the catalyst to what would be Hogwarts' greatest and most disastrous love affair. After we danced, he whispered, "Enjoy the party, Evelyn," and walked away, finding a new dance partner for the next song playing.

Most girls would've been put out by his sudden disappearance, but all I could think was he knew my name. He knew who I was, which was more than I could say for anyone outside my social circle. I was light, giddy with the knowledge that finally someone seemed to see me, really see me.

Of course, the next morning I expected that that would be the end of it. No more boys, no more giddiness, the fantasy of Sirius Black would fade away as he chased some other girl's skirt. But then he came into the Great Hall for breakfast and sat down next to me as if it were something he did everyday. I tried not to blush and returned his good morning, forcing myself to keep my cool.

For the next few days, it seemed as thought everywhere I went, there was Sirius. Talking to me, laughing with me; it was like a dream come true. And the dream continued when he asked me to Hogsmeade that Saturday.

"It'll be loads of fun," he'd promised me, as if I still needed convincing even though I'd said yes before he even finished the question.

True to his word, I enjoyed myself. That glow that filled my body when he was around was present the entire time, making me feel as though I could conquer anything or anyone as long as he was beside me. It was the peak of our relationship, I know now, but then it seemed as if we could only keep going up.

It was after we started officially dating that reality began to take its toll.

Suddenly, everyone knew me and watched me everywhere I went. Most of them were jealous admirers of Sirius, glaring at his new girlfriend because they couldn't capture his attention currently. I basked in the attention, reveling in it for once. But girls began approaching me, old flames of Sirius', saying the same thing over and over.

"He'll hurt you," they said. "He'll build you up just so he can get what he wants and watch as you are completely destroyed when his true nature is revealed. You should leave while your heart is still in tact, while you can still avoid the pain that he'll inevitably bring you."

I didn't believe them, accused them of being jealous of my relationship with Sirius, of our love—because, on my part, it had escalated to love by now; yes, I was oh so in love with Sirius and couldn't bear the thought of us being parted. But instead of getting upset at my accusations like I'd suspected they would, the girls would just shake their heads at me almost sadly and simply say, the utmost amount of pity in their tone, "It's your funeral."

I tried so hard to stay in this fantasy world of love and happiness and happily ever after with Sirius. However, his true colors began to become clearer and clearer with each day that passed. The way he made demands of me. The way he seemed to always have his eyes on another girl walking by or across the room. The way he blew me off with what he claimed was "important business" and would return to the common room late at night with wrinkled clothes and swollen lips.

But, stupid girl that I was, I chalked it all up to paranoia on my part. That the words of his previous flings had messed with my head. Then we went to the party and that was when I knew that it wasn't paranoia or lies.

The party was more questionable than others, held in the dungeons by the Slytherins. Smoke was in the airs, strobe lights flashed, and music was pulsing in the air. I danced to the beat of the music, thinking that Sirius was behind me, dancing as well. When I turned to face him, I came eye to eye with the best proof I was going to get that this relationship was doomed from the start.

Sirius had his tongue down the throat of some leggy, red haired Slytherin girl. It was like everything slowed down—the lights, the music, the gyrating bodies surrounding me—and all I could see was the two of them, locked in a passionate embrace.

At first, all I could do was stare in shock, but the pain slowly began seeping in as I stumbled backwards, trying to get away, far away, from all of it. I knocked into people and faintly heard their shouts of anger in the back of my mind as I struggled to get away from the chaos.

When I was in the quiet hallway outside the dungeons, the thumpa-thumpa of the music now barely audible, I could feel the tightening in my chest more clearly and distinctly now. And I wanted it to go away, I wanted it to disappear so badly.

"Evie, are you alright?" I heard his voice ask me. I looked up and saw him staring at me with what looked to be a mix of confusion and slight horror.

I didn't think, merely threw myself into his arms, knowing that I needed something, anything, to numb this heartbreak. Practically curling myself around him, I firmly pressed my lips to his, an action he seemed surprised by but didn't object to. As that familiar heat between us began to build, Sirius pulled away and asked, "What do you want?"

"You," I told him. _You, faithful to me, happy with me, forever_, I thought. But I settled for simply him.

Most girls talk about their first time as being the wonderful experience when it's with someone they love. How it's so romantic and special and you'll want to remember it forever. That wasn't how this first time felt with Sirius, though.

It was painful, physically and emotionally, for me to go through with it. And it was rushed, on both our parts. It seemed as though instead of fixing the problem, it only made things worse for me when I laid in his bed later that night, staring up at the ceiling as he slept.

Not long after he'd dosed off, I began to collect myself, picking my clothes up off the floor and slipping them back on as quietly as possible. _It's over_, I thought to myself, _it can't be anything but over now._

However, I knew that his inexplicable charm would drag me back if I ended in with him in front of me. So I took the cowardly way out and left a note behind with a simple message:

_It's done. We're done. Be happy._

- _Evie_

Part of me had hoped he would fight for me, that he would declare his love and we would ride off into the sunset together. But that next morning he didn't look at me, didn't even glance my way, and was already starting to move on to a new girl to warm his bed at night.

That was the hardest thing to get over. How easy it was for him to forget about us. But then a thought occurred to me: He was never part of "us" even in the beginning. It was only me making the effort and him putting on some sort of show for me to please me, to convince me to sleep with him.

And I gave in. Like an idiot, a fool, I gave in. I'd hoped that it would all be a distant memory when this was over, that I would look back on it and shake my head sadly, but that it wouldn't affect me at all.

I was wrong.

As I now stare at the positive pregnancy test in my hands, months later, I know that I was so very, very wrong.


End file.
